The restless pen

 

 Why write when you can speak?" They say.
Are words and sounds not the same?
But the world through a paper is not just a picture to me.
It's a message frozen in time.
The truth of our past in lines.
A history of our thinking and a way to "unthink" our present.
A filter of thoughts and sentences
A train to some emotions we might never embrace again.
My pen cannot rest till perjury evicts out from you.
My pen cannot rest till I tell you the story you suppress
My pen cannot rest till I create a world better than what I see.

Bleed oh mighty pen, bleed.
Scream out the voice of the man murdered for greed
Scream also for the child aborted for a fee
Scream ! Tell it all , till I am out of words.
I maybe restless with you
But only in restlessness can I command change.

An excuse to live

 

If righteousness is filthy, what is the point of being holy ?
If to be free is an illusion, then what is the point of emancipation?
If justice is lost, how can people owe property ?
Life has no meaning but the one you give it.


The sun shines but after sometimes it must disappear.
A child is born but after some days he must die
Laughter is good but after laughing you must cry
What does it mean to live if in the end you will die ?

If you were never loved , how can you love ?
If you don't love, how can you be loved?
If you are not loved, what is love?
Life has no meaning but what you give it.

You were hungry , now you are full.
You were single , now you are two.
You were barren, now you are a mother.
What has life given you that was forever?


You are fragile and innocent
Born into a world full of ambiguity and confusion
But if I cease to exist , who will I be?
Nothing more than a man living without meaning.


As long as I have, have me.
As long as there is time, have me.
For you are not just my child
You have become my excuse to live
What will life be without thee!

Role model

Role model. Who needs them if they are men?
Who needs them if they only pretend?
You were the train to my conscience
And the light in my darkness
But ever since you found good,
You have been bad
Since you found bad, you call it good
Why should I imitate you when you don't follow your own rules ?

It won't break me, you say.
It won't change me, you say.
Who are you after bending the rules?
Well, it's the way it's done, you say.
How can there be another if justice is merely a tool ?

Role model
I have none
It's not because I'm rude.
I have none because of you.
Tell me, how big is your pocket ?

Misrepresented

I have no name

It only puts me under you
I have no measure
Because you have none under you too.
I have no weakness
Unless compared to you
What makes me a woman if I am better than you ?

I have no name
It reminds me of you
I have no flaws
Unless compared to you

She fights like a man                                                                               

  She thinks like a man!

When will I fight like me?
 And what does it mean to be as strong as you?
                                                                                 

Are there no similes that represents me without you  ?
       
Misrepresented,
Maybe that should be my name .

What makes me a woman if I'm better than you ?

I owe you nothing

Did you think I'll stumble and fall?

Or lose my mind when you left me behind?
Did you think I'll cry when you kicked me outside?
I made it. What do you think now?

When I was down, did you think I will never be up ?
When you dragged my name through mad, did you forget you had one?
When the world was cold, were you the flames that warms bodies?
Or a voice that mocks tragedy ?

I made it.

what do you think now?

Have your words been sweet to me?

Has your smile been real to me?

So why are you mad when I owe you nothing?

Music that is mine

 

  At last, something that rings out the sorrow from my old soul

A Beethoven of nature 

A healing hymn that straightens my spine till I exhale my guilt                                  

A stroke that paralyzes my mind from reality’s truth
A builder of a universe of bliss
 A star glistening shadows of yesterday into the future
like the tantrum of an earthquake after years  of slumber  

A harmony of angelic voices raining the notes of victory from one ear to another
 A birth of rhyme and unison of perfect melody
Unite all my senses so I can comprehend how you beat diseases with beats 

 Or that magical principle you use to empower with vowels    
 Who can define you when you are synthesized by a deity?
  Be blues, be highlife.
Be any combination of notes and time

 But in all your being just don’t forget to be mine.

Footprints

Footprints, do you have any?

And who do you think is following them?
Far away I saw his but I never thought I’ll be him
But from the looks of things who else am I other than him, father?
Will my children make the right turn if it’s time?
Or will they inherent my pride and forget their kind?
What don’t they know that I should have known?
What do I know that they shouldn’t know?
Are good intentions not enough to bestow kindness?
Or is kindness just kindness?
I need some footprints
Where can I go without them?
What can I teach without them?
Footprints, tell me. Whose do you have?

Love spell broken

 

Moon, appear not this night

First let me find him a place to rest
A song to keep his memory
An embrace that will last eternally
Or at least a perspective that will strengthen me
For he is not coming back tomorrow
Neither will he come the day after
Love spell is broken! Love spell is broken.
He should have told me where he was going.
This is just a waste of emotions
You tease me then you disappear
You promise then you disappoint
How am I going to forget you if marriage is still wonderful?
How will I forget you when love is still debatable?
When they ask where forever is, what will I say to them?
Love spell is broken?
Or the joy that clothed me is finally stolen?
Tell me!
Who is the same when they are broken?
Or do you not hear my heart crying?
Come back to me. Come back to me.

love spell can't broken.
But this is.
Whever you are, be happy.

What an awkard way to celebrate victory.

Lost memories

When you were born, I saw you.

You played with fire and you feared no danger
You believed in dreams and your curiosity could not be quenched
Your smile was infectious and everyone loved your name.
How is it you know your limits before you try anything?
How is it you know the future before it begins?
Is a condition forged by man a reality declared by God?
Or can the truth be paralysed by lies over and over again?
If there is something I’m missing it must be you, my memories.
For in you I found the identity that cripples me and in you the words that uplift me.
Why don’t you take me to a time where there was no doubt?
Why don’t you remind me of what I did in the past?
For you are not just my memories
You are a compass of who I am.

Memories, I’m not losing you again.

Whose head is this ?

This place is circumscribed by bars of great heights and boundless thoughts of great energy .

If i could climb to the top , I think then I would be free by the opinions of many .
But I am stuck in this madness all thinking
a mud of emotion that entangles my movement even when I'm singing .
 Whose head is this that shields me from salvation?
A room clouded by a climate of confusion and guided by a mouth skilled at deception

We ought to call different things differently , don't we ?
So what makes you an expert at labelling my desires when you don't even know me .
Love is  not acting out your feelings or expressing what's within in your language .
It's about a secret place you and me share
It's about having an invisible organ only  you and me share
It's about a hope of living eternally imprinted in our heads .
So tell me . Whose head is yours ?
You have nothing of mine .

An ocean of memories

It's the sound of the evening that keeps   you half-asleep

It's the mirror of the younger you to the older you
It's the weather that clothes your past after undressing your  present
It's a facade state of existence that we live in our existence
It's the photos of laughter and the smell of your perfume
It's the numbers on your calendar and  the numbers on your watch
It's the days of the week and the days you keep
It's all I hear when the ocean speaks.
It's all I see by the ocean or beach
When are you coming back again?
Do you know your food is as cold as it last did?
And your memory as fresh as it last did?

Time with you

" How do I know you love me when there is nothing we've been through ? "

It's what they said, but don't be scared.

They said i should love you with sense
where my love will be returned. 

They said I should use my head when my heart thinks instead
They said the woman I defend will never do this for me if the tables were turned.

but that's just what they said .
Those are not my words.

Is it fair to love you less now that you are stuck in a wheel chair ?
Is it fair to love you less now because people say you have nothing to offer me ?

Senses, they lie when you question them .
instinct , they push you to make decisions without reasons.

But time with you feels like incarcerated in a beautiful building .

I can't go where I want to
I can't do what I want to do
but deep inside I feel free to be caged .

I mean I will stay with my desire in any fire
And that is not what they say
It's what I say
So what do you say ?

...Time with you is all I ask.

Born standing up

 

I know someone who was right

and in rightness he said this to me
"After the flood will be dry land.
After the rain will be a harvest.
After the training will be success."
Why should I give up when your actions only highlights the importance of mine ?
I was born standing
And i will stand I till I see the sunshine .
see your stories, it's unfortunate they are true .
Your past experiences , they teach a lesson good only to you.
I was born standing
I'm not giving up because of you
those words you say  , they only remind me of your pain
that  energy you disseminate , it only  reminds me of your anger
but I was born standing
words don't break me
negative vibes don't  infect me
I'm more than  a conqueror
 if I lose, it's just a fuel that burns me up to make me  better
and I'm better , not bitter  .
because I was born standing on any barrier .
so don't look for a seat down for me
because there is none with my name
My name is Jay Jay Orleans
and I was born standing

How dare you love me

My school and my teacher,

You should have thought me while I was young.
What a waste of time !
How dare you look so fine and expect me to hate you ?
How dare you smell so good and expect me to forget you ?
How dare you kiss with your heart and expect me not to love you back ?
How dare you love me !
How dare you !
How dare you love me and then 'unlove' me !
How dare you say you do and proof you don't !
How dare you !
How dare you !

Most of my mistakes  you treasure were  un-intentional .
Most of the lies they sell to you are half-truths.
Most of what I do wrong is right because they are for you .

Is it in love or with regret that you do this ?
 Tell me . Teach me how to 'unlove' .
For I'm stuck in love where you are not .
Show me  the way out because I'm lost.

How dare you love me ; just walk out !
How dare you love me and call it something else !
How dare you love me and expect us to be friends ?
How dare you !
You are the enemy I love
And I'm the enemy you must love.
"Love , how are you doing ?
I'm just calling to check up on you, baby" .
 Really ? Revenge is not fire quenched with water .
You opened a door that was always locked .
 You can't just  tell me you are marrying someone else .
 Who would understand?
Who could understand?
How dare you !
How dare you !
I must have been naive.
I must have been lost in your arms;
But remember this
Not every broken glass can be fixed
And not every mistake can be reversed.
Think of love before you pass
Love was once what you had.

A man without a god

In a morning out of mercy ,

He is awoken  from protection of his own.
He forgets his master
When men also reward his labour .
He makes laws against nature
To entertain his soul
 and to mock the brilliance of nature's rules .
There is no thirst of his
 that he has no power to quench.
There is no hunger of his that he cannot satisfy .

He is a man
Yet he was never made .
He is a man
Yet he is perfect in deeds .
He is a man
Yet he has no god.

But an orphan who has no father

 will soon discover his real father .
A man who knows no master
will find his superior .
A man who mocks nature will also be mocked.
How is a man a man if he has no god?

A question of existence

In the end, only one can know this.
How can I be this one when you were there before me ?
Enough with the mathematics,
Calculating numbers and their properties,
Imitating nature to dispute your power.
Only you can know this answer
And this will do for me.

Enough travelling to the east, west , South ,
Guarding my ambition with tyranny,
Reading historical records that make sense,
So I can understand how I have breath.
Only you can know the answer to this
And this will do for me

"Where was I when you formed this world?" You ask.
Oh judges of judges, permit me to answer you now with good reasons .
Can a man know the dimensions inside his body when his eyes are outside it?
Can a child truly know where he came from without the knowledge from his family?
Should I take my life that I may know how I became alive?
Your answer explains my ignorance as a philosopher.
I am because you are.
That is why I call you the "I am, that I am."
Your existence precedes anything I am or could be.

If I'm ever asked the creator of me,
I believe my senses could testify,
Isn't that your firmaments above me?
Isn't that your light shining above me?
Isn't that your birds singing praise hymns to you?
I am because you are
You existence precedes me
And this will do for me.

Diamonds in dirt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A glance out the window brings the past back alive again .

It's cold here now without  your hands to warm .
Baby , i'm sorry for not realising what was wrong .
If I could see signs you are diamond in dirt ,
I'll be in any mess till we discover ourselves .
For a diamond in dirt when clean shows its worth.
I could not tell that you are one .

If I could see signs deep down your cries,
I'll treat you special ,
Turn your tears into smiles.
If you just took time if your heart to me say,
" Baby, I'm sorry for all the things I did .  . I'm sorry for the things I did " .

Diamonds in dirt , so hard to find .
Who can know your worth when you hide so deep in the dark?
Can't see ; you are too small .
Can't touch; you are covered in mad .
should have tried ; I'm covered in guilt.
Should have taken time to know you are diamond in dirt .

Love for no reason

It's in the air ;

but don't be scared.
How do you know I love you when there is nothing we've been through ?
I've been by your side since you were twenty five .
Your charm , it's blinds me up like the sun .
You are like fire but  I smell your fragrance while others smell smoke .
You are my ice , you preserve each moment of joy in my life .
You are like earthquake ; you shake the fear from me till I have the courage to believe .
There is no reason to 'unlove '
 because there is no reason to love .
 I'll love you for no reason
I mean I'll  always be in love .
How do you know I don't love you when there is nothing we've been through ?
I love you no reason and that is the only clue .

Make me happy

Make me happy,
I want to be...
I have to be...
I'm going to be...
Everybody thinks I am
Do you want me to win an Oscar for faking this happiness?
Or lose prestige for having a weakness?
You are a man
I was told a man could make me happy
What kind of man are you if you can't make you wife happy?

Make me happy
I want to be, I have to be, I order you to make me
I broke hearts for you, I rejected many just because of you.
I did so much wrong just to be with you.
Haven't I been good to you?
Haven't I been loyal to you?
What else do I have to do to be happily married to you?

Make me happy. I want to be. I have to be. I'm going to be
Why do you want the entire world to know I'm sad
when I've already  told everyone that you are the one.
Don't you know my hair must appear still in crisis?
And my smile must be seamless in every storm?
I eat when I;m full and drink when I'm alone.
look at the size of that belly
it cannot be mine either
You'd better make me happy whether you can or you can't
I'm not going back like a fool.


Make me happy. I want to be. I have to be. I'm going to be
We've been keeping appearance for this long.
why can't you just lie to me so we can keep going on?
I know you don't love me
But I'm doing this for them, not me
why do you think I'm never happy in the end>

Why I married you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Memories . Oh sweet memories .

I dream . I see .  I remember .
Mourning showers, daily I cried.
Cruel loneliness, she rained so cold a hole in my life .
 But why ? What kind of pain was coming back to me that I had inflicted on somebody?
If karma wasn't real , then what was the reason for this ?
My grace must  have been exhausted
Making me a laughing stock before karma's law as punishment.
And karma had no mercy .
Neither did she plan on forgiving her culprits.
She was mean till you were mean
She was mean till you learnt her ways
She was heartless
And so was I when I questioned my life,
" I , why never in time to own such a kind?
 A good man to love me who has no wife."
A walk alone in this world is not a dilemma anyone could treasure
Neither is it pain to secure future pleasure.
My heart was done with being broken
And my mind was done with being optimistic.
Something had to give
And after years it finally did .
Though I looked for misery,  I found you.
Though I expected sudden abandonment , there you still stood.
Indeed I was purely blessed, for truly you did .
You rained great love when you came through the gates of my heart .
Your first touch on my hand
Filled me with cure like being healed from a chronic disease.
I was pleased with bliss and looked ready for a kiss.
Because you freed me from the shackles of  loneliness
And I was alive again to witness God's wonders .
I had never fallen this deep in love before
It was like you sparked joy through every vein with my blood when the beauty in your eyes met with mine .
It was the first time seeing someone who called me everything
And my first time hearing anybody actually say this .
There is a secret about love that only a god would know ; and this only God knew
Only God could be blamed if you had mysteriously  known  how I truly felt when your deep voice sunk those words down the walls of my soul .
When will God ever snitch or tell you my truth ?
…or you just don't pray hard enough to know what I kept from you ?
You replaced my tears with a smile
And you didn't know till now , my love .
Time , they say reveals your nature .
After years , hadn't you realised mine ?
Was it one you admired?
or you were just being nice?
This was when I  knew something had gone right after being with you for days
But i also felt something had gone wrong in an indescribable way.
Because you were good to me even when I was bad to you .
Who wants to be treated bad when they treat you right ?
But I thanked God something had gone wrong to make love finally mine.
For I had known myself to be too wrong to be loved this right.
What do you see in me when I'm by your side  ?
I see a man not from sand but  the skies above when I reminisce sometimes
I'd desperately waited till you finally pop the big question  .
We vowed to stay through thick and thin.
Why didn't you tell me about this ?
Why didn't you tell me you didn't have a penis ?

I'd loved to stay  married
But why did you lie to me?
Why did I marry you ?

Why did I marry you?

I prayed for an angle and this is what I earned.