I know what is wrong with my sink

 

 

 

ACT I

SCENE 1- DAVID’S- BEDROOM - MIDNIGHT
It’s dark . The Lights are now suddenly back on . We see a woman. Her arms are
crossed over each other and she is wearing an angry look on her face.
Next to her , a man .  He is snoring in bed and the woman stares angrily at him. Finally she shakes the snore out of him .

LUCY
David!!! David!!!

DAVID
Not again. What is it this time?

LUCY
It’s nothing to be angry about. It’s just a simple question.

DAVID
What kind of simple question needs answer at midnight?

LUCY
I don’t know .

DAVID
I see. Come on . We both know what this is . You just want to tell me how much you love me for getting you a new car...well, you don’t need to...because I didn’t steal the car. I purchased it ...Can I go back to bed now ?


Lucy opens her mouth in shock.


LUCY
Oh my God !You purchased it ?


DAVID
Of course, I bought you the car. How did you think I did it?

Then Lucy burst into tears.




LUCY
( Crying )
Coward . I should have known it . You never do anything special for me. What was I thinking?

DAVID
Come on Lucy. You don't have to pretend you are sad. You have a car now . And for the record, I try my best to do special things sometimes for you. Unfortunately, they always turn up to be special only to me .

LUCY
What’s so special about buying me a car. Everyone  buys me a car. You should have stolen it .

Then she continues to cry.

DAVID
Stolen it? ...Maybe another time , my love . Another time. A crime of Passion is just not what I do .

LUCY
What ?  You think burglary is a crime ?  I know what you are doing. You don't love me but you don't have the balls to say it. There is nothing wrong with stealing for love. It's an act of kindness. And it's injustice to jail people for loving.  Everybody knows that . ...Everyone but my boo.

She grabs a bottle of liquor and takes some shots.

DAVID
Give me that.

David grabs the bottle from her.

LUCY
You are not my doctor. Give me that bottle.

She grabs the bottle from David.

DAVID
...You are going to kill yourself, Lucy.

 LUCY
It's better than living with you.


DAVID
You know I love you.

LUCY
More lies . More lies to prove you care . You don’t mean
those words. When are you going to sacrifice for love ?
When? When are you going to lose something to love like others do ? lose property ! Lose a leg. loose your mind for Christ sake. Lose something for the one you love. It’s not a crime if you steal a car for me to prove you love me. Who cares if it is? It’s out of love ; people in love do whatever they want even if it’s against the law. You are not in love . That’s why You still got that head of yours screwed on.

DAVID
... Something maybe you should do instead of this. Who said you can go about loving people over the law?

Disappointed, Lucy slaps her head for dating him and now she sips another bottle of wine to console herself.

LUCY
For someone who is wise, you sound really stupid sometimes. Look around . Who hasn’t done something illegal for love before? People misrepresents themselves on dates all the time ...but no one is in court for that. Why can’t you do something bad for love? Why must it always be another man dying for love and never you? God, I hate you


Quickly, David seizes the bottle from her and takes some shot himself...

DAVID
... You are not being fair to me. That was just a coincidence

LUCY
What kind of coincidence?

DAVID
( Still drinking)
... what’s love got to do with stupidity anyways?

LUCY
Everything…just tell me why you are doing this to me and I will leave.

DAVID
Why I’m doing what ?

LUCY
I mean don’t you feel it? Don’t you want to do it?

DAVID
"Don’t I feel it? Don’t I want to do it? “I have no idea what you talking about? Don’t I want to do what?

LUCY
Can’t you see it all over the place? The signs, the energy . Am I that bad at seduction? ...or you just don't find me attractive? I mean don’t you want to rape me?

DAVID
...Rape you?

David laughs.

DAVID
Why would I want to do something outrageous as that?

LUCY
Because I’m beautiful. Because you can’t control yourself over me .Because you are in love. Oh my goodness. My husband doesn’t love me and he doesn’t even know it.

Lucy snaps , crying  once again . She grabs the bottle from David
And take some shots.

DAVID
I’ve never raped anybody.

LUCY
...but I want you to .I want to have babies, too!

DAVID
Nobody is raping anybody . I’m getting back to
bed and so are  you . Goodnight.


Then David covers his head with his blanket.

Quickly, Lucy takes off his blanket and begins to caress him.

DAVID
What do you think you are doing?

LUCY
You are my husband .

DAVID
Then respect me when I say no .

LUCY
Fine . Sleep whenever you want .That’s how you get our sink unfixed.

DAVID
Wasn't there a plumber here to do it?

LUCY
You don’t think I know that ? I need a man. I mean a plumber.


DAVID
Fine . He will be here tomorrow.

LUCY
Tell me something I don’t know.

Then she puts off the light .



Act one - scene 2
INT - DAVID's APARTMENT'S -DAY
A man dressed as a plumber stands outside the door knocking. Lucy checks herself in a mirror , changes into something that reveals her cleavages, then quickly opens the door.

LUCY
Sorry for the...Wow . I didn’t know you would be so handsome, mister plumber.

PLUMBER
Mrs Lucy ?

LUCY
Just Lucy is fine .


PLUMBER
I'm Jack.

LUCY
Alright, Jack.  I have a huge problem and I hope you have
the  tools to fix it. My sink, it's  in a mess- a really big mess.

PLUMBER
...no problem . Can you show me?

LUCY
( Pointing her bedroom)
My bad . It's upstairs. And be careful.

So Jack climbs up.


INT. BEDROOM-MOMENTS AFTER

PLUMBER
( Yells)
Madame , this is your bedroom...and I don't see a leak ?

LUCY
My bad . I think the kitchen is down instead.


Jack climbs down.

LUCY
Sorry about that . It's a new house.

PLUMBER
No problem.

Then he dives down the kitchen sink with his tools . ...and begins examining it.


LUCY
You know my husband won’t be back for sometime - a very long time.



PLUMBER
( Still examing the sink below)
Interesting . So what will you be doing all this time?

LUCY
That’s a question you can help me answer, sweetheart.


PLUMBER
Hmm ...everything seems fine here.

LUCY
I know.

When Jack pulls himself from the sink, he finds Lucy half-naked waiting for him.

LUCY
Everything is fine because I fixed it. ( Then she moves closer to Jack)...You wanna
know the sink that really needs fixing ? It's me.

Then she hugs the Plumber tightly . She offers him one of her thighs and begins to kiss him.

PLUMBER
I should be paying you after this .

LUCY
I don't want your money . Just fix my sink .

Jack notices the kitchen door still open .

PLUMBER
The door...

LUCY
I'm not expecting anyone at home ...just you . Why don't you just fix me ?  Fix me good, jack .

When the plumber undresses , someone calls out from the door . It's David.

DAVID
Lucy ...

PLUMBER
I thought you said you weren't expecting anyone.

LUCY
It's my husband...play cool . He probably must have been fired or something

The plumber quickly dresses and hides down the sink, pretending to examine it.

DAVID
Lucy , I’m home baby . ...Now where could that wife of mine be ? ...Lucy! ...Where are you baby?

Then he enters the kitchen

LUCY
David...

DAVID
Where were you ? And who is under my sink ?

LUCY
Who else ? ...It's the plumber .

DAVID
I hope he fixes the sink once and for all ...I’m
tired of having plumbers look at the same sink over and over again .
( To plumber)
What do you think is wrong with it, plumber ?

Jack pulls up from the sink to answer

PLUMBER
Ummm ...major problem with the pipes. I’ll replace those flimsy
rubber hoses with stainless steel ones and everything will be fine.

DAVID
Sounds like a good plan .

PLUMBER
I need to be back tomorrow to fix it.

DAVID
No pressure . It's your home if you can fix it .

PLUMBER
I’ll be on my way .

In a haste, Jack forgets his tools box behind .

DAVID
Hey, you forgot something.

David offers it to him.

DAVID
What's the hurry?

PLUMBER
You won't understand . She is going to kill me if I'm late again.

DAVID
Alright Jack, tomorrow.

Jack then disappears.

DAVID
So what did he fix that is so expensive down the sink

LUCY
I don't know...Why are you so home early ? Did you lose your job ?

David
What is that suppose to mean? ...can't I come home early for good reasons ?

LUCY
( Walking upstairs)
I’ll be upstairs if you need me.

DAVID
Give me a minute.

David walks into the kitchen. He turns on the sink and its working fine.

DAVID
That's a surprise. I thought he said he'll fix it tomorrow.

He looks down the sink curiously and finds an unused condom down there.


LUCY
( Yells from the bedroom)
...don’t keep me waiting, honey.


DAVID
( Confused)
What in the world is a condom doing down my sink?... I see .

Then David joins Lucy up stairs .


ACT one- scene three

INT. BEDROOM-DAYS AFTER

LUCY
(To David)
You know you were right. Can you believe that plumber didn’t show up after paying him off?

DAVID
I told you so.

LUCY
We need a new one.

DAVID
You mean you need a new man right ?

LUCY
Yes. A new plumber . The sink has started acting up again.

DAVID
I see...And what’s wrong with it this time? Too wet for you? ...or your pipes just blocked again?

LUCY
Don't play dumb with me . You saw how bad those pipes were.

DAVID
I’m sure I did. And I wonder why .

LUCY
Why do I feel like you are laughing at me instead of talking to me ? Is there something I should know ?

DAVID
Why don’t you tell me ?

LUCY
I don’t understand.

DAVID
Tell me something . The plumber we hire . How good are they in fixing your sink?

LUCY
What is this about ?

DAVID
Your sink of course . What else ?

LUCY
What’s going on, honey ? I said I needed a plumber not an argument.

DAVID
Why do we need a plumber when I already know what's wrong with the sink?

LUCY
...Well, don’t keep me in suspense. Tell me what was wrong with it?

David then shows her the condom .

LUCY
( Fakes laughter)
...Oh my God a condom !!!

DAVID
...For who?

LUCY
Well, I don't know . ...Do you?

DAVID
Why do you think that plumber never returned?


LUCY
Oh my God .... Somebody please marry me. My husband
Knows what’s wrong with my sink. Please, marry me.



THE END